A Game Forever, Unpaused

Growing up, I played team sports every season until settling with lacrosse in high school and college. Few athletes pick up a sport sophomore year of high school and continue on to the college level.

But, I was in a great situation of being on a very competitive team, which forced me to put in a ton of extra work eventually earning varsity time as a senior.

Feeling like you need to have a good practice the day before a game to maybe get your number called on game day is the stuff of Friday Night Lights and very atypical for non hotbed lacrosse programs.

If I had been at a different school, perhaps my athleticism would have been enough to earn varsity time as a junior, but I wouldn’t have been competing against and learning from D1 recruits on both sides of the ball. I certainly wouldn’t have gone to play NCAA D3 lacrosse.

I will always remember the goal I scored in the fourth quarter of the regional championship to help us advance to the state final. I will never forget the shot I missed in the first quarter that may have prevented us from needing overtime to advance. The extra time alone had been validated.

My environment gave me the opportunity to be better. The lack of game experience and being in a different culture would ultimately stunt my playing career early in college.

Some days, I wish I had stayed after sophomore year. Some days, I’m glad I transferred. When you’re not sure what you want to do, spending less on tuition is always a great idea.

While I found the lacrosse experience at Wooster to be less than what I wanted, the club lacrosse experience at Pitt was even worse.

I described my high school experience relative to Pitt club ball as going from the penthouse to the outhouse. It was a great time for those guys that wanted to play games, occasionally practice, and be a starter if you were on the executive board and friends with the coach. It wasn’t for me.

This led me into coaching, a path I would follow for the next ten odd years. I was reinvigorated with the process of scouting the opposition, learning new team tactics, and individual development strategies.

I always felt like I was out working the competition which gave me confidence on game day. As a single guy in my 20s, outworking other head coaches who had full time jobs and families probably wasn’t as difficult as it felt.

The first time I ever had heart burn was my first year coaching. I just thought it was a bad flu so I spent the next couple of days drinking orange juice.

My final two seasons I was an assistant coach on a team that carried an undefeated record into the state final. We lost both games to the same team.

After spending countless hours with five different high school teams and a college club program, I had finally gotten a whiff of the success I had senior year of high school.

Despite having the better roster in both state finals, we fell short. Twice.

When teams win, the players get the glory. When teams lose, the coaches most often take the blame. As a former head coach, both losses felt unsatisfying because I wasn’t in control of every decision. It was hard to lose feeling like I could have helped if given more responsibility.

I wondered what would be next. If I’m miserable as a head coach of team that may never have a chance to make a deep playoff push much less win a title and I’m unfulfilled as assistant on a previously undefeated state runner up team, maybe hanging up my coaching whistle was the right move.

I eventually moved to NYC and my coaching career came to an abrupt end.

I’ve mentioned many times on the podcast that lockdown in NYC drove me back into golf. I didn’t realize at the time what I was getting into, but I have clarity now in March 2024.

Golf has filled the missing hole in my life. I can compete again. I can spend free time learning about the sport. I can connect with new people about their journey. I can engage in debate about my favorites.

Unlike coaching, the results depend entirely on my preparation and execution. I’m no longer a public school head coach trying to upset a private school. I’m no longer an assistant coach vying for the head coach’s ear. I’m no longer concerned with appeasing a parent board.

I can decide when to purchase new clubs. I can decide what courses to play. I can decide what amateur tournaments to enter. I can decide how I allocate my practice time. I can decide between in person and online lessons.

I can decide if I want to accept that taking a 20 plus year break from the sport is too much to overcome as I get ready to turn 39 in May.

The number on the scorecard is mine and mine alone. I’m not relying on being able to communicate with a moody high school junior who is verbally committed to a D1 school. My record isn’t predicated on a high school senior who wasn’t good enough to play other sports in middle school so he picked lacrosse.

I don’t have to make decisions with the program in mind. I only have to make decisions for myself. It’s my fault that I played 80 sim rounds in three months instead of taking intentional action to improve. I can’t blame the current state of my game on subpar coaching at the youth level.

I get to own my game.

When I coached lacrosse, I used to say, “stick skills are a direct reflection of your care level.” We knew the first fall practice, who had made strides over the summer and who was just expecting a graduation loss would move them up the depth chart.

My 2023 handicap started at 27.6 and finished at 18.8.

You’ll know how much I cared about golf in ten months and that couldn’t be more exciting.

A Love Letter to the Simulator

You may have shot a hole in one but do you have a simulator golf autobiography?

January 2022

Post NYC lockdown

By some miracle, my apartment had a basic simulator that helped me pass the time as the city started to open up. This was the first time having a club in my hand two days in row in 20 years.

February - April 14, 2023 

Chicago @fiveirongolf

I played 84 rounds of sim golf, typically 2-3 rounds in the morning, Monday through Friday. I would continue this strategy on and off for the next three months.

August 2023 - Current

Winterville, North Carolina

I accidentally shot a 70 -2 at Sutton Bay thanks to two chip in birdies. But, I mercifully stopped playing so many rounds at the start of September and focused more on training.

I used to go golfing every spring weekend in middle school then I got sidetracked with lacrosse. There's no chance my golf career would have resumed without the NYC simulator.

There's no chance I would have continued to pursue a comeback without being three blocks away from FiveIron in Chicago. There's no chance I would have been able to rekindle friendships with guys who were current golfers. There's no chance I'd be better at golfing now than I was this time last year.

Really happy to share this interview on our North Carolina centric podcast Old North Golf with @GolfNeighbor founder Jeff Testa who is doing wonderful things to make golf more accessible in the Tar Heel State.

Listen on Apple.